Not long ago was the 7 year anniversary of my Uncle Phillips’ death. Which is hard for me every year. I took his passing pretty hard, we had to travel to Oklahoma City where he was in the hospital. On the way back that night from the hospital I am told I was unreachable as my then fiance drove us home, he and my cousin noticed that I was not speaking except for when I saw a turn signal come on I would say
” blinky, blinky, blinky” until it went off.
I did not have a father growing up so I became very close with my uncle’s and especially with my Uncle Phillip. He was even going to drive me into my wedding on his motorcycle which was just a few months later which may have been part of why it made it even harder to loose him, I wanted him there. He had been mediflighted to the city because of a car wreck but it kind of took us by surprise that he passed because the doctors told us he was doing better.
Anyway here is one of the poems I wrote for his funeral.
(Awaiting the light)
I remember being wheeled through the doors and into a room, with many doctors and nurses around me. For many hours I have laid here with them working hard. Finally I feel myself being moved again this time I am in my own room. I’m being hooked up to many machines, they make me uncomfortable I know that my family is not in the room. Where is my family, I need my family. I try to move when I notice that I am sore from top to bottom. I feel sleepy and I can’t speak to anyone, my sisters in enter, why can’t I speak to them. They continue to try to get me to answer them. Why, why, what is wrong. Why can’t I speak. I watch is my family comes and goes for days. Early one morning I awaken to a great pain in my head. No one is around. I’m scared and alone and I can’t get anyone to hear my scream. Many hours later I’m awake and I can move. I walked down the hall and find my family, they are all standing in a small room with sad looks on their faces. I try to speak to them this time I was able to say the words, but to my dismay again they could not hear me. I begin to cry and I try to help comfort them, but it’s not working. I begin to get a warm feeling in my belly, I hear my name mentioned and again I tried to say I’m fine. I look at my wife and say I’m fine. I’m right here. When I notice someone calling my name, a voice I have never heard before. A bright light begins to shine from behind me. I turn around to see the door open, & I am instructed to enter. I finally realized what has happened, to the floor I fall begging, pleading. “Please don’t take me, they need me.” The light begins to pull me in and I turn to watch my family as I leave. Although I knew they would not hear me I called out. “goodbye, goodbye, I love you, goodbye”!
I’m loving memory of
Phillip C. Crandall Aka Jammer
Back when I was in high school I wrote a little poetry, and being as I wasn’t really sure what to post today I dug up my old notebook. It’s always interesting to look back at things that were important to you, especially when it’s writing.
This little diddy was the very first poem I ever wrote. Enjoy
( American Soldier)
They came from across the land,
Carrying our freedom in there hands.
Though we do not recognize them, they are there, many who will never be known but they do not care. For they do not fight for recognition, they fight for our right to speak as we wish. It is the American spirit that keeps them going. In times like now they keep us safe from those who wish to take all that we have worked so hard for. They are the soldiers we may not know their name but they all go by one name, America, that is who we are.
So it begins!
We have added to our farm family. Meet Flo (white) and skunk (black & white), these wonderful ladies have been a wonderful addition. They are slowly getting aclemated to their new home and seem to be doing well. When we got them flo was so bloated she looked like she was about to bust her side open. Thankfully, after getting her on new feed, it has started to go down. My son has been so excited to have new animals to feed and play with, although the goats are not so sure about playing with him right now. All in all we are so excited to have new farm family members, and start our journey twards the farm life we want.
I think cabin fever has started to kick in. I find myself thinking about all the things I need and want to get done this spring and summer. Iv been trying to plan a garden which is something iv never done so it’s been interesting. Doing research on how to set it up and what to plant. You see iv never had luck with plants until last year, my husband got me a small rose bush for Valentine’s and somehow iv managed to keep it alive so far. When we first moved in together my husband had a mint plant I tried helping him with it for 2 weeks and killed it, before that I got some cactus plants my senior year of high school I killed them within a month and a half. To say I had a brown thumb is an understatement, which is why I’m a little nervous about the garden but where there is a will there is a way ( or at least I hope, haha). Something else iv been thinking about is what animals we will be getting, of course chickens my son loves chickens and their great for several reasons. A few other animals we have been thinking about are pigs, goats, maybe some rabbits, a couple horses and my father-in-law already has cattle that we have been helping with. So many protects to get done this summer and they seem to be bouncing around in my head right now, I hope I can get them organized soon that way we have a plan and can get started as soon as it warms up. I’m feeling so cooped up I look forward to getting to start all these projects if nothing else just to get them out of my head.
Today I am thankful for huggies diapers. Our daughter has such sensitive skin we can’t use any other brand of diaper or wipes on her. We had a different brand given to us as a gift so we tried using them unfortunately she did not take to them well. She gets this very bad rash any time we use anything other than higgies, a rash that looks closer to a burn than a rash. She is doing better now that we got her back in her brand and put cream on the rash. Using cloth diapers was not something I was looking forward to having to do, if I had to use them to keep her safe I would, but I’m very glad huggies work.
Expect the unexpected this is Oklahoma after all. We have wasps living in the attic, I had hoped the snow would have froze them into hibernation but Noooo. Stupid things just keep coming, can’t even find where they keep getting in at. I was stung again today hurt like a bitch but at least it wasn’t the baby. My biggest fear right now is that she gets stung. Hopefully we can get rid of them soon. We have a few things we are going to try, but if any of you have any suggestions we will gladly try them. Our attic is a different then most because the house we are in is an old farm house that was built in sections and none of the ceilings are the same height so the attic is kinda like an obstacle course.
When I was in high school I used to write a lot, mostly poetry I was quite inspired by the works of Edgar Allan Poe. Going into college I thought I would become a journalist, but with time and the busyness of life things changed and it has been far too long since I’ve done any writing.
Until recently, I hardly knew anything about blogging, I had had very little experience with blogs. Yes, I had seen them thanks to links on Facebook and pinterest but most I hadn’t even realized were blogs. I still have plenty to learn about blogging, but I am willing to learn and look forward to it along with sharing my sucesses and failures at blogging and other projects on the farm. I am enjoying getting back to writing again, and I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
2015 brought many new things to our lives, after several years we finally moved to the farm. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter making our trio into a quartet, and my son started pre-k just to name a few.
With the start of 2016 I had an idea to share our struggles as we embark on this journey, because we have many things we need/want to do. After having our son almost 5 years ago my husband and I decided we needed a change thanks to the scary way he entered this world (more on that story later). So here we are finally in the place we want starting a new life, a more natural life, a more self sustainable life.
Or at least that’s the plan…. Join us and let’s see how this all goes.